I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
