Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
