please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
