I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
