It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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