I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You ate ashes out of my bong
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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