Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
