Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So many bounce houses so little time
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
