Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I deserve this hangover.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
