Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
