Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
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drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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