she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
