he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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