think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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