new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
