i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
