Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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