How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it's like iHOP with fire
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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