worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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