I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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