I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
