***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize