mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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