A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think your dad took our porno
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
