I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
