I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
