update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
did i just pee glitter
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
