she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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