Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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