Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
