Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
