you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
