I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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