i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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