I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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