You really coming over, don't trick.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
