guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
