I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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