I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
