I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
