I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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