Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
