i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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