rhymes with "ouble enetration"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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