i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
