so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
