Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
