That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
