the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
