WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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