walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
