i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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