Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
