people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
