im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
