Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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