My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
