help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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