Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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