I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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