So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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