And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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