MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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