Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
