I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
