Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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