You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
