im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
