Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
