I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
