Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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