Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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