Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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