Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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