oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
