Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
oh god the rape fog is back!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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