omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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