'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
