She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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