How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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