Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
