im six kinds of drunk right now
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
