Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
