That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
