You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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