you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
