meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
